23 houses, 6 countries & 20 years

R&R: How would you describe your journey as a TCK ?

Estelle: Life is one hectic ride and you have to be sure you like the person you are and not be afraid to keep moving.

---

“Where are you from?– I asked. (worst question for a TCK, sorry about that)

–San Francisco, you? 

–No way! I lived there a couple of years ago. Like they say, I left my heart in SF! I’m from Mexico City.

– Awesome! I went to Mexico once, to Cancun. Although it wasn’t that great, we found cockroaches in our hotel.”

We met on our first year of uni, in a random dorm at a random party. I must confess, I thought at first that our conversation was going to be very clichéd–cockroaches in Mexico, really?(well, that’s unlucky)– but I was wrong. The girl I’d just met had moved around the world in the most intense way & she captured my attention right away.

Her name is Estelle Abou. Born in France, she’s currently a film production student based in Montreal.  She’s moved to 23 apartments/houses and to 6 countries in 20 years. A crazy number of times if you ask me. 

I recently told her about my experience as a TCK– although not as interesting as hers. We realised we share at least one point in common, we’ve eventually felt in some kind of limbo– or what psychologists would describe as having an identity crisis on a cultural level. Where do we fit in? We soon started to share our impressions on being multicultural, travelling and moving around & we helped each other reflect on our hectic lifestyles.

---

R&R: Where have you lived in and for how long?

Estelle: France: 7&1/2 years

USA: 5 years

England: 3 years

Switzerland: 1 & 1/2 years

Jordan: 1 year

Canada: 2 years

R&R: Why did you move so often?

My dad is a private business consultant and he would get contracts that could last up to a year or sometimes 6 months, which by then, we’d have to look for a new job and move as a family. France was the country where we would always go to in case we had no job or if my dad was working somewhere he knew would only last 6 months and he could commute from.

R&R: Tell me about your cultural background. Do you identify yourself with your nationalities? Do you consider yourself more of a nationality than the other?

Whenever someone asks me where I am from, I always answer the same way by nodding my head and saying “it’s complicated, I travelled a lot. Originally though, I’m French and Italian.”

R&R: What makes a place a home? Do you have a home? 

Although I don’t have a home right now, the closest place I’ve ever considered to be a home was my boarding school that I lived in for my last two years of High School. There, I created a second family and for once I felt I had some stability knowing that the relationships I created were stable ones there to stay.

R&R: What are for you some pros and cons of moving?

PROS:

1. Exploring so many wonders the world has to offer.
2. Making friends all over the world.
3. Learning about multiple cultures.
4. Being open-minded helps you enjoy life and the differences.
5. Knowing how to adapt easily.

CONS:

1. Not feeling like you belong entirely in one place.
2. Not knowing where you should settle and if you ever will.
3. Having to say goodbye regularly.
4. Not being around family.
5. Making sacrifices.

R&R: How do you deal with losses/saying goodbye when you move?

Obviously it is always tough saying goodbye to friends that you make but in some ways I’m used to it. I know that if they are great friends and I want them to stay in my life, I will see them again. Sometimes however, although they are good friends, I consider them part of a chapter knowing that when I move to a new place, I will meet new great people again.

---

Life is one hectic ride and you have to be sure you like the person you are and not be afraid to keep moving.

---

R&R: Do you have a ritual when trying to make yourself at home in a foreign place?

Estelle: I don’t think I have a ritual for that matter however; I’ll always try to take a moment to breathe and really take in my surroundings. When I was younger, since I was always afraid of not settling in well at school, I’d always look around as much as possible to see what the other kids were wearing and what they were like. I’d also be very curious to see what the city had to offer. Was there a mall close by? Any American restaurants I’d recognise? Anything I could recognise would always make my transition proceed more smoothly.

R&R: What are your favorite places?

 It’s really hard to choose favorite places I’ve been to but for places I’ve lived in here are my top two. The first as I mentioned earlier is my boarding school in England. After having moved around so much before, finally having a place where I knew I could settle for 2 years, where I actually made an amazing lifetime worth of friends there, makes this one of the greatest places I’ve ever been.

(By the way, if you’re curious to know what Boarding School is like, here is a documentary Estelle made during her time there.)

Estelle: My second favorite place is California. Since it is one of the places I’ve lived the longest in and importantly when I was young too, it is the place that forged my personality and opinion on a good society and culture I belong in.

R&R:The weirdest place you’ve been?

 I guess what makes a place weird is how different it all is to where you have been before. For me, living in Amman, Jordan for 8 months was the most different but life-enriching experience. The culture is very different and not having ever had religion be a dominant aspect in my life, going somewhere where it is, was a big culture shock for me.

R&R: The coolest place you’ve been?

I went on holiday to Los Angeles and I loved it there! I also loved my trip to Thailand.

R&R: Which place impacted you the most and why?

Boarding school in England changed my life and who I thought I was entirely. I felt like I belonged there and who I was felt entirely like my own choice.

R&R: If you had to choose where to live right now, where would that be and why?

I would like to move back to the US as I really like the culture in certain cities. I hope to do my Masters degree somewhere with a lot of opportunities and in a striving university. I know that depending at what stage of my life I am in, I can move within the US and find somewhere I can hopefully belong.

R&R: Have you ever experienced a culture shock?

Although Jordan felt like a big culture shock another place I felt similarly to, was when I went on holiday in Egypt. Since it was only for a short period of time I did not get the chance to adapt to this culture shock.

R&R: List 3 to 5 differences between your “home country” (or whatever you consider your culture) and where you live.

I’m unable to answer this question since my idea of a home country is imagined in my mind.

R&R: Have you found somewhere where you “fit in”?

Although the closest I’ve been to fitting in somewhere was in England, there was always a part of me that knew I didn’t like or belong in the country and way of society. I always aspired to be in an American society and culture so in England I knew I didn’t want to settle there after.

R&R: How would you describe your journey as a TCK ?

Life is one hectic ride and you have to be sure you like the person you are and not be afraid to keep moving.

R&R:Do you see yourself travelling as much/more in the future? Why?

Travelling is so much apart of me that I can’t see myself settling down anywhere anymore. Although sometimes I wish I could settle and believe that the relationships I make will stay forever, I’m always afraid that’s not in the cards for me. I hope eventually I will settle somewhere in an ideal place when I have my family.

---

---

Having a conversation with Estelle is delightful, she’s an incredible storyteller & just by listening to her experiences I’ve learnt a lot.  Reflecting with her on both our TCK experiences, made me realise that is okay to feel in a sort of limbo, as long as we trust life’s guidance and embrace what life hands to us. Every new place & every new encounter is a lesson. And no matter where we go, we’ve always find someone like us; we do fit in somewhere in this world.

Estelle: I think we all know that as a TCK you have to embrace what you’re given and really enjoy what life has to offer and so, remember that you control your life. We can choose the life we want and everything up till then is forging who you are.

Over & Out,